I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
