So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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