so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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