he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
