I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
