i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
