and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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