well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
