My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
