I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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