Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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