Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
