Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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