a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
