Swine flu. Run for my life!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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