so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
