You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
