he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
