i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
