I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
