Can i not drive my cunt home
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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