guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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