I want to have your abortion
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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