You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
