Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
