theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
