ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
