i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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