Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize