is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
