Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
