just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
