K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
