If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
