So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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