I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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