im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
