i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
