she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
