shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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