Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
