so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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