Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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