Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm like, not good at living.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
