So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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