my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
