Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
