oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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