i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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