doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
