so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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