The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
