3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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