M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
