i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
