how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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