I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
