She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
