i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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