you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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