im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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