Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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